Kindness from an Educator? Impossible?

 

It is Autism acceptance month; my birthday is in two days. I want to talk about something that happened last week Thursday as well as what I expected to happen that didn’t, but I expected it because the last time I was in a similar situation the thing I expected is what happened. I am autistic and this happened because of that.

I was in class on Thursday, and it was trans day of visibility, a day where I started off very happy and excited because I am also trans. We happened to be learning about the difference between good and bad presentations, in the begging of class the instructor gave a presentation on trans history. This was very good, the part where she discussed the trans/gay panic defense was very overwhelming for me.

Because of this I ended up becoming nonverbal, which has happened to me in classrooms before. Not for a long time mainly because I haven’t been in school in a decade. The last time this happened the teacher noticed and got extremely upset, they screamed at me for what they considered disrespecting their classroom. Which, looking back is absolutely ridiculous and if I knew what I know now and had the confidence having an online platform has given me then I would have ended up actually telling someone about what happened after. Instead, I just figured it was a thing that was always going to happen.

I didn’t process anything that happened the rest of that class and remember just a few things that did happen. I know I completed all of my in class work that day because there is a digital record of it. I don’t remember doing it. I also remember after the lecture portion of the class the instructor coming over to my seat asking if I got her email, looking at my email, and seeing one from her simply asking if I was alright.

I wasn’t, I remember typing with a lot of typos in it the words that mean to say I am nonverbal right now, the message got across. After she went to do things with other students, I emailed her everything about what was going on and why. And then had the opportunity to type ten words that at no point in my life have I ever thought in that order before, “Thank you for making me feel safe in your classroom.” Then I don’t remember anything until I ended up at the Mexican restaurant a mile and a half away that I apparently walked to.

No matter what level of education someone is doing they can make a difference by just showing they care, or they can make a difference by being an asshole. Only the type of person that would want to show they care should be in education.